btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
