i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
