I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize