I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
