I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
