As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She bit a glass in half.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
