Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
