Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
