You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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