Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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