coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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