Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We are two peas in an std pod
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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