Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
