I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
