Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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