Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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