You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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