Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
