he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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