wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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