Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
