What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
