Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu

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(904): View more from Florida

Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.

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(251): View more from Alabama

I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.

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(707): View more from California

she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.

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(727): View more from Florida

We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.

(727): View more from Florida

Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.

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