I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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