I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
