Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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