my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
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