I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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