im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
