I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
