You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
