He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize