Welp...herpes.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
