We're facebook friends in real life
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
