so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
