I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
