Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She told me I should be a condom model.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
