needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
