just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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