margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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