I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
