It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just forgot I was standing up.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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