just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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