but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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