Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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