I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
