I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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