Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
