the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize