you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
