you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
wow bdsm is so cute
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
