Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
