Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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