guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
