Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
