1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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