Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
