i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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