She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
