I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
