she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
