I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
