Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
