stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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