Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
