I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
