Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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