I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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