i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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