this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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