yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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