Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He felt like a one man threesome
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
